The Soloists

No pampering, hot meals or fresh laundry nicely stacked. Instead, a chance to reclaim freedom, space and identity. So, is moving out of the parent nest a great trade-off for the young?
Space. With that one defining word, Abhik Verma packed his bags and left the cosy place he called home for 23 years. An architecture student, he wanted to break away from familiar surroundings to savour life sans surveillance.And while that entailed trading a four-bedroom plush apartment in Mumbai for a minuscule one-bedroom shack, Verma says he has no regrets.
Three years on his own, he says, have taught him life's hard lessons. "In the real world, no one will come to your rescue if you goof up. Today I know how to take care of myself and not depend on my parents for every little thing," he says.
Malvika PC, a 27-year-old a graphic designer and theatre artiste from Chennai, left her parents' home four years ago and had to battle the scorn of relatives and acquaintances. "Even if I am broke and unemployed, I will live on my own," she says defiantly. "Sometimes I don't talk to anyone for months. But, in my own space I can do practically anything. I was 19 when I told my parents that I needed to move out. But they advised me to first get a job and then get a life. I guess it worked."
For 22-year old Goan Elaine Barreto, leaving the nest was a learning experience because it helped her understand human relationships better. "I learnt not to take things for granted," she says, sounding wise beyond her years. Barreto enjoys the perks and the quirks of being a single woman in Mapusa, a couple of hours from her parents' home. "When you are on your own you learn a lot more about yourself."
But then living away isn't always a matter of figuring life out, there is the question of convenience too. Says Vishal D Kesarkar, a 19-year-old student from Bangalore: "My college is two-and-a-half hours from home. I moved closer to the campus, to a place called Hosakerehalli for the simple reason that it was convenient."
Personal testimonies like these echo out of many homes and it is obvious that the very fabric of the Indian family has undergone a metamorphosis. In the past, Indian families stuck together because it meant preserving traditional family values and structures. But underneath that belief there lay a complex power struggle between the parent and the child. Coupled with the nagging worry about 'what will people say', it ensured that demands for 'freedom' and 'space' were met with a rap on the knuckle.
But in the noughties, everything is measured on the scale of coolness and parents are left with no choice but to reluctantly agree to the demands of their darlings. What till yesterday seemed impossible, today is quite customary.
"Ten years ago, the concept of moving out was unfathomable. But now kids will wave goodbye and leave parents with a Skype or a Facebook ID to keep in touch," says Pulok Lahiri, father of two grown-up daughters who are threatening to shift out.
Sociologist Aarti Kawlra says that there can be no simplistic analysis of the issue. "In the early '90s,liberalisation had lead to massive economic and social changes. Foreign investment, information technology and globalisation meant that the young were grabbing lucrative jobs. It also paved the way for changes in lifestyles. A young adult today can easily afford a comfortable and independent lifestyle. Internet and mobile technologies have redefined connectivity and communication thereby diluting the age-old importance of physical co-habitation in families," she says. While parents may fret about this change, the fact is that socially natural transitions cannot be stopped. Being rigid only makes matters worse, Kawlra points out.
Kartikeya Awasthi, an upbeat, chatty 25-year-old IT professional with IFFCO-TOKIO General Insurance in Gurgaon, left home a month ago because of unresolved issues with his parents. They objected to his latenight partying and Awasthi found this stifling. "I love music. I had an elaborate sound set-up at home and that did contribute to some amount of noise-pollution. My dad also had trust issues with my friends. And since he is the head of the family, mom always took his side," he says. So, much to his parents' dismay, Awasthi checked out of his Malviya Nagar home and moved into a friend's suburban two-bedroom flat on a rent of Rs 11,000 a month.
Of course, there are also those who after having lived on their own terms have chosen to scurry back to the comforts of the parental home. Twenty-four year-old Hari Swamy is an apt example. "I had vested interests in going back to my parents. I figured that living with them saved me a lot of cash. Then there were other perks - regular meals, pampering and pocket money. It was stupid of me to forgo such a neat deal," he quips.
With reports from Aarthi R (Bangalore), Nigel Britto (Goa), Shalini Umachandran (Chennai)
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